To be expansive

Musings from isolation

And…we’re back.

Let’s pretend that was said with a fancy newscaster/radio voice.

I started this newsletter with a flourish last year, publishing two pieces that felt inspired and truthful. The idea was that I would share realizations, insights, and experiences as they came, in the hopes that someone, somewhere, would feel understood and heard. So, what happened?

A few things:

• I started to question my authority to dispense advice and insights so freely — what did I know about life at my young age? Were my insights revelatory or recycled? 

• Writing long-form pieces that bordered more on self-help than true creative writing felt distant from the kind of creative I hoped to be

• And honestly, just life! We all know that one too well.

When I was reflecting on my creative practice over the last year, I felt like something was missing. While writing continues to be a satisfying outlet, both through journals and one-off written pieces, I was pulled towards expanding + diversifying my means of creativity. Maybe I needed to explore spoken writing again, or dive back into visual storytelling. Maybe as we grow, our forms of expression evolve with us (and maybe, that’s okay).

But the concept of expansiveness has shown up in more than just the creative avenue of my life. Most recently, it took the form of standup comedy.

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, no, I am not suddenly becoming a standup comic. Imagine if I was, though? What a way to announce it. I’ll stick to being an unintentional walking comic for my friends.

This story starts with me contracting COVID last week for the first time. To my surprise, I spent an inordinate amount of time consuming standup comedy during my quarantine. I’m talking hours and hours of standup. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. 

Reason aside, I think all those hours rerouted some circuits in my brain. No, really. I used to joke that I was too sensitive for standup, and yet here I was actually laughing along with the comics?! As I flirted with the limits of my comfort zone, I could’ve sworn a new part of my brain was lighting up.

My experience of entertainment was evolving; comedy felt expansive. It got me thinking — what else has felt expansive recently? Here’s a visual representation:

(Partial photo credit to Pinterest, partial credit to my camera roll)

I can’t remember exactly where, but I came across a guiding question on the internet a few months ago that I think is especially fitting here: “Does this feel expansive?”

When I can’t trust my brain to discern whether an action or decision is right for me, I turn to this question. Expansion usually feels good in your body; it has a special quality to it. Going down more limiting (and comfortable) paths evokes fear and anxiety as old as time. Your body just knows.

This isn’t to say expansive activities and decisions won’t bring any anxiety — they sure will. We also can’t always have our way; expansion is a luxury, truth be told. All those disclaimers aside, though, we can try. The world we see through our anxieties, fears, and limitations is a small fraction of the big, bright world we inhabit.

I’m excited to see where expansion takes me, and you, next.

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I want to wrap this up by highlighting those on Substack and elsewhere who have expanded + inspired my world…with a twist. In the spirit of expansiveness, I’m combining the visual with the written in a video sign-off:

• Maryn is Here
  / Maryn

• Brazenface
  / Tatiana

• mindless musings
  / Chloe

• Hitomi (YouTube video/channel)

Till next time :)