The years that ask questions

And how do we learn to be okay with them?

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

- Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

When I first came across this quote in 2023, I was taken aback by just how true it felt. As if Hurston had bottled up one of life’s biggest truths and sent it out into the world in the most eloquent way. I’m still in awe of its beauty. 

I’m also undeniably in “the years that ask questions” (maybe your 20s are the questions you asked along the way). It’s a process that, while illuminating, is also often uncomfortable and confronting. I found myself feeling the latter the other day, journaling a list of questions plaguing me at the moment:

Am I crazy? I feel crazy.

Am I getting better?

Am I even growing?

Why do I feel like a caricature of myself?

Am I ever going to feel normal?

What kind of future do I want?

What does it mean to be honest?

Some of these questions I know the answers to (yes, I’m growing; getting better isn’t always linear; normal doesn’t exist), but I ask them anyway when I’m in the dumps. Some, I’m still searching for answers to. But part of the process (as my therapist often reminds me) is sitting in the uncertainty, in the unknown, and learning to accept it. 

It’s sitting in the muck with yourself, knowing that the unknown is as natural as breathing. Knowing that even the answers don’t make any promises. They evolve as your knowledge and experience grow. 

All this to say: I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. I’d love to hear yours too.

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Rose, Thorn, Bud:

I first encountered this exercise through my job in college — every meeting would start with team members mentioning a highlight (rose), a struggle (thorn), and something they’re looking forward to (bud). I love that it allows people to bring their full selves to work, meeting them where they are. So, here goes:

Rose: Seeing my best friend at the beginning of March! Spending a weekend together after spending months apart was very much needed. We took a lot of silly pictures, and I have to say: jumping in photos NEVER gets less fun :) We also had a dance night featuring 2000s pop music: another activity I highly recommend.

Thorn: I’ve been feeling pretty lost lately. All the questions I listed above (and more) have been swarming me, and I’ve been resisting them. I know that confronting them means taking the first step out of the comfortable cocoon I’ve built and just being. Being is a lot harder than it seems.

Bud: Honestly? Ice cream. I bought a Klondike 6-pack (I will not be taking opinions on my ice cream choices at this time) and have been devouring it ever since. Sorry, teeth. Maybe ice cream should taste less delicious 🤷🏻‍♀️

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And with that, I’m signing off! I hope you treat yourself to something sweet this weekend (or just something nice). You deserve it ❤️ See you soon!